The Mediator's Perspective: Taking Time Out

I had a tough week this week. I presided over two particularly challenging and emotional disputes: issues of betrayal, interpersonal trust and respect, dashed hopes, lost profits, desperate measures and counsel who were not always in control of the perspective they needed to help resolve the conflict.

As we do on most weekends during summer, yesterday, we took our sailboat, "Time Out" out to sea for several hours with old friends for several hours. Watching the extraordinary surf hit the beaches of Southern California was so much the medicine I needed, that we ended up staying the night in the Marina.

When I arrived home this morning, my sons told me of the news of Lily Burk's apparent murder on Skid Row at age 17. Our children attended the same School as Lily. Her mom is a lawyer and adjunct faculty at a local law school. The news was nothing less than shocking, deeply disturbing and all too close. Though we didn't know her or her family, at a memorial service for a classmate's Dad today, I spoke with one of the teachers from Oakwood, who expressed his profound grief and loss. Seeing Mickey Morgan that profoundly lost, I'm imagining that this event will forever change the Oakwood community: it will take a long time to restore that hope and optimism that gives the school that "anything is possible" attitude. Simply stated, it made my "tough week" seem trivial by contrast. Even mediator's need lessons in perspective taking, and I'm so sorry that it took this horrible tragedy to wake me up this week.

Making A Life while Earning A Living

This week's Musings involve Congratulations. My daughter, Rachel, graduated from California State University this week and is pursuing a Masters Degree in Special Education. There is a great triumph in graduating a child from College. Hooray for Rachel! My son, Jordan will graduate from Oakwood School (High School) on June 14, 2007. We are very proud of both of them (and our middle son, still in College at University of Wisconsin). So this week, I did some introspection not so much on the practice of mediation, but on the life it offers. The move from practicing litigation to practicing mediation is positively liberating. Although many of my days are long, I don't bear the burden of responsibility for the fate of my clients as I did in law. I don't answer to a Senior Partner, or advocate for positions which I don't believe in because I've been hired to do so. I rarely incur the wrath of an opposing party and am almost never treated with disrespect or disdain. It has taken me several years to get there, but finally I am earning what I earned as a lawyer, but making a life that is oh, so much more satisfying to my soul. And the best part is that I was able to actively participate in watching my children grow up to be such capable, caring, decent adults. That is a life worth living.