Good Advice From the Next Generation

A friend of mine sent me a Commencement address given by Journalist, Samantha Power, this year in Claremont , Ca. (I'm an alumna of Pomona College, although this one was at our sister College, Pitzer). I found it particularly compelling. I attach the website here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-power/message-to-graduates-be-a_b_103886.html

What does this have to do with Mediation? The part I loved was about taking time for silence. It is so true that this generation is more interconnected than any before. They have the capability and technology to be in constant communication with one another. And yet, is anyone giving them the advice of the value of taking a few minutes alone? Do any of them listen to their inner voice? Has the Ipod, the Blackberry, Face Book and text messaging supplanted the need for interaction and introspection?

I attended a funeral today where the Rabbi spoke of a concert where Itzhak Perlman broke a string on his violin. Apparently, rather than struggling with the leg braces and crutches he had just removed in order to walk off stage and replace the string, he performed the entire concert on just 3 strings. When asked how he'd accomplished this, and why, his answer was simple: "I'm a musician", he said, "We make music where nothing was there before". My synthesis of these two stories leads me to the conclusion that both participants and mediators can greatly benefit from taking a few key moments during the course of a difficult hearing to themselves. Some quiet, self reflection can unlock the inner yearnings both driving the conflict and blocking it from being resolved.

Next time you feel stuck, try taking a time out by yourself and see!

Publicity and the Limits of Mediation

I had two interesting cases this week that hit me in the forehead with an "Aha" about the limits of mediation. The first was an employment case in which the employee had somehow become the recipient of a copy of the evaluation letter of the employer's attorney. When confronted with this apparent impropriety, she immediately returned the letter, but of course, could not "un-ring" that bell. In the second, the facts had already been highly publicized and the Plaintiff was not bringing the action for the award of damages, but rather the satisfaction of teaching a lesson to the errant defendants on how not to run their company. It occured to me only later that in that case a mediation was bound to be unsatisfying, because I couldn't offer the kind of publicity that the case demanded. To the contrary, because I am bound to strict confidentiality, I cannot offer the satisfaction that a trial can in instances like these.

In this mornings New York Times, there was an interesting article about a blogger in New York--who relishes the opportunity to privately "publicize" facts and impressions via her blog. I was struck by the contrast between my ability to "publicize" and my hard-earned lesson that the blogosphere cannot expect to be kept confidential. Thus, you will get no further disclosure from me on the case I failed to settle this week until the media properly reports it. Some cases need to go through that process in order to be fully "settled". Cases that are mediated are subject to strict confidentiality. Cases that need the traditional media to ultimately satisfy the litigants, will not likely be settled through mediation. That's the limit of mediation: and the promise of this mediator. Maybe I should have gone into journalism as a second career after all...

The Disclosure Movement in Medical Accident Cases

There was an interesting article in today's New York Times entitled, "Doctors are Beginning to Say 'I'm sorry' long before 'I'll see you in Court' which I've copied below. Although I'd heard of this "movement" on several occasions, I was struck by two pieces in the article: the first, was that the Sunday New York Times chose to feature it on the first page, as though it was news; and the second was that Presidential rivals, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama co-sponsored a bill which would have legislated that such apologies are inadmissible in court back in 2005.

One of the key principles which mediators emphasize in any hearing which includes an apology is the assurance of confidentiality. Apologizing will not become an admission of culpability if it's done in the context of a mediation. What researchers have found is that in most instances, an apology and explanation of the circumstance of the medical accidents reported resulted in the patient or his/her family deciding not to pursue the matter in litigation. I loved that they've given a name to the practice, which is a departure from the old "defend and deny": "the disclosure movement". Contrary to popular press, what the study reveals is that most patients are earnestly concerned about hospital practices that may cause injury in subsequent procedures, and in the explanation, more than the huge damage claim. What's more, they want it soon after the incident, and an offer to fix or repair, rather than subject both sides to protracted litigation aimed at concealing the facts and minimizing the ultimate expense. Interesting stuff, this disclosure movement.

Here's the link to the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/18/us/18apology.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=us
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Brain Studies Prove That A Fair Deal is A Happy Deal

Most Mediators are taught to ensure fairness in process above all. After many years, and hundreds or thousands of negotiations, it can sometimes feel tedious and unnecessary to do so. However, at this past weekend's Employment Mediation Conference sponsored by the Southern California Mediation Association, some of the attorneys expressed shockingly disappointing results where the mediator failed to take the time to explain the process and ensure it's fairness. The outcome of the negotiation, it appears, is not determinative of the parties' ultimate satisfaction.

This morning, our local newspaper, the Los Angeles Times, included an article in the "Health" section, which explains that brain science backs up this effect. It's a good reminder for all of us: and those of you who are tempted to skip that process, in service of making the deal! I've copied the article here, but basically, it concludes that the brain actually responds differently when the studies made a "fair deal" v. merely "a deal" that ends the negotiation. I thought it interesting and informative and have copied it in it's entirety for you below.

Fairness is emotionally rewarding, a study finds
A fair deal activates parts of the brain also stimulated by earning money, looking at attractive faces or eating chocolate, UCLA researchers find.
By Elena Conis, Special to The Times
May 12, 2008
What's new: The sinking feeling that creeps in after you've paid too much for a house, car or new pair of shoes may actually be a hard-wired, neurological response to being treated unfairly.

On the flip side, getting a fair deal on that same car or pair of shoes stimulates parts of the brain associated with reward and happiness.

The finding: Researchers at UCLA's Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior recently reported in the journal Psychological Science that getting a fair deal activated the same parts of the brain -- the ventral striatum, the amygdala and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, together known as the reward circuit -- that are stimulated by earning money, looking at attractive faces or eating chocolate (in those who like the stuff).

Lead study author Golnaz Tabibnia, a postdoctoral researcher in the department of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences, said the findings suggest people care about fairness itself not just because unfairness is unpleasant, but because fairness generates positive emotions. Fairness, in and of itself, she said, is emotionally rewarding -- regardless of how much money may come (or go) in the deal.

How the study was done: The researchers conducted two separate experiments. In both, the study subjects, all UCLA students, played a so-called ultimatum game in which a person called a "proposer" offered to split with them a certain amount of money, say $10. Sometimes the proposer would offer to split the money in half (a fair deal), at other times he or she would offer less than half. If the student accepted, proposer and student kept the money. If the student rejected the offer, proposer and student walked away with nothing.

In the first experiment, the 29 students who played the game were asked to report how happy or upset they were about each offer. In the second experiment, 12 students played the game while their brain activity was monitored using functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI. The fMRI measures changes in blood flow to different regions of the brain, indicating which parts of the brain are more or less active.

When students were offered $5 out of $10, they'd typically accept the offer -- and their reward circuitry would light up. When offered, say, $2, roughly half the students rejected the money, and their brain region associated with disgust would light up. In the half that accepted the meager offer, their disgust region wasn't activated, but neither was their reward circuitry -- instead, the part of the brain that came into play was the region involved in self-control. "It's the neural pattern of what swallowing your pride looks like," Tabibnia said.

Why it matters: Essentially, the results bolster the maxim that money doesn't buy happiness. No matter how much money people make, or lose, in a deal, what determines how they feel at the end of the day, the study suggests, is how fairly they think they've been treated. "Certainly money is rewarding," Tabibnia said. "But more and more research is suggesting that our social relations with other people can also be rewarding, and can be very strong determinants of our happiness and satisfaction."

What we still don't know: Scientists think -- but aren't sure -- that emotional responses to fair or unfair treatment could differ based on gender, cultural background or socioeconomic status. Being poor, for example, conceivably could build tolerance to unfair treatment -- but the idea is pure conjecture.

The Luxury of Time to Resolve Conflict

This past week I conducted a rare (for me) mediation in an outside office. For the past seven years, I have conducted my hearings in my own offices, or those of ADR Services. In each location, I have access to an office where I can obtain e-mail, voice mail, real mail or more during breaks and before and after the sessions. This one lasted eleven hours, during which I had no access to computer, voice mail or telephone messages. Although all of the participants were drained by the end, it occurred to me what a modern luxury is the gift of a full day "un-wired". Wouldn't we all appreciate having the undivided attention of a professional to spend the day listening to our problems and helping us achieve a satisfactory solution? Wouldn't we love if our spouse or children or parents, our partners or associates would similarly indulge us a full, uninterrupted day to think about how to make us feel better about past issues or relationships? I dare say that even a full day alone--without interruption from PDA's and phones, would go a long way towards helping any of us solve our problems. And so it occurred to me that one of the best features mediation has to offer is the eyes and ears of a professional who dedicates the day to helping the participants to solve their conflict. A full day's commitment to being unwired, unhurried, giving undivided attention to the participants is a wonderful luxury!

Leaving the Narrows

Last night we celebrated the beginning of Passover. During the Seder, we recall the story of Exodus--as the Jews fled Egypt, (where they were slaves) and travelled for 40 years, carrying journey bread, or Matzoh on their backs, until they reached what is now "Israel"--the land of milk and honey. The Hebrew word for Egypt is "Mizrayim" which is also the word for narrow places (loosely translated, I think). And so I considered all of the ways in which parties in conflict are in their own "narrows"--with walls to the left and to the right and only a glimmer of light between them. The challenge for the mediator is to guide the parties out of their personal narrow places and into a new state. It is the guidance from slavery or tyranny or debt to sweetness and hopefulness and freedom. With freedom, of course, comes a heavy responsibility. It is our challenge to inspire parties caught between only two choices (as in slave holders or slaves) to freedom fighters who, by their own might and imagination dare to visualize a different future and take that chance to achieve it. There are so many profound messages in the Passover story, but for now I wish to merely challenge my readers to dare to imagine a different choice than the obvious. Only then can we hope to transcend our own narrow places!

Empathy Deficit Disorder in the USA?

I recently borrowed Barack Obama's Book, "The Audacity of Hope" from my 80 year old father. I am intrigued by this articulate and engaging candidate--even though I meet every criteria to be a Hillary Clinton supporter (middle aged, professional, Caucasian woman). In the Chapter he calls "Values", he talks about his mother's simple principle--"How would that make you feel?" as a guidepost for his politics. Then he says, "It's not a question we ask ourselves enough, I think; as a country, we seem to be suffering from an empathy deficit." My own work as a mediator compels me to concur.

Lately, I have been mediating business disputes where employees urge fair treatment from their former employers, or a business deal gone sour demands recompense to make things right. On the other side, I see struggling business people and professionals who cannot afford the inflated demands made of them--even though they may have agreed to those terms (before the costs of litigation were added) in more economically favorable times. And I, standing "in the middle" can simply urge empathy. Obama says, "No one is exempt from the call to find common ground". I am grateful that I listened to the call and act daily in an effort to bring mutual understanding and then action by those in conflict. It's my own contribution towards addressing the Empathy Deficit Disorder from which our country may be suffering.

The Art of The Spin: Another Benefit of Using Mediation

This week I attended a professional conference where I heard two compelling presentations. The first was on "The Ethics of Negotiation". First, was a thought provoking discussion presented by my colleague, Michael Young, an attorney and mediator here in Los Angeles and former Federal District Judge John Wagner, also now a mediator. The central thesis was that lawyers and negotiators need to use caution and discretion lest their puffery and strategic communication be relied upon as false facts. In California and the U.S., there's broad leeway in using exaggeration or puffery and also manipulating the timing and "bottom line" claims in the context of the litigated case. The only bright line offered seems to be the conduct which would otherwise be actionable as a material misrepresentation of fact.

The following day, the keynote address was delivered by Tony Snow, former Press Secretary to George W. Bush. He spoke of the invasion in Iraq, the surge in troops against popular tide of approval and, in an unabashed claim, his deft management of creating an appearance of the wisdom of staying in the Middle East even in the face of unprecedented negative ratings.

So it occured to me, that in the case of a difficult negotiation, the mediators role in so many instances is to create the spin that will sell the other side on reasons to accept a deal they were unwilling to accept before they engaged the mediator. What's more, the mediator will not likely present facts which will be relied upon (or rejected as untrue), but will merely "reframe" those details which she believes the parties need to highlight in order to make an informed decision about the best outcome they can achieve in the particular negotiation. What's more, the mediator's communication to the parties is confidential, and therefore not actionable. Mediators have ethics, too and won't lie for either party or knowingly present facts which are false. But they certainly will withold facts which they are asked to maintain as confidential!

During the course of this week, for example, I negotiated a re-finance of a home, a claim for attorneys fees rebated, a personal guaranty on a business debt and the proceeds of a fire insurance policy. Each of these negotiations were already attempted before filing a lawsuit and after...but it was only with the benefit of the mediator's "spin" that, like a Press Secretary, the parties were able to see the wisdom in an unpopular war based upon carefully chosen words and artful intervention. Like a figure skater, parties to a negotiation are well advised to bend as far as possible without causing a crack in the ice or skater!

Leap! What Will We Do with the Rest of Our Lives?

I've just finished reading Sara Davidson's "Leap!" and I wanted to share it with my own readers as a kind of broad and deep guidepost for travelling through "the narrows" and onward and upward. She concludes with a reminder that those of us who enjoy writing, should continue to write. In fact, she reminds us that a moral review--as in the narrative I blogged about earlier, is a healthy exercise and that a weekly review of those moral issues and resolutions is also an excellent, self-reflective tool. The work that we do as mediators, the kind of active peacemaking is an invaluable service which has this kind of far-reaching potential as teachers and guides for the good. I'm still processing the book, but I highly recommend it for those still searching for answers to the question of "what is the next decade or two going to look like for me?" Consider it a template of options for aging baby boomers who have had a half century or more of thoughtful engagement with our country, our communities and one another.

So here's my week past: two friends lost their parents (both in their 80's), one friend had a Bat Mitzvah for her 13 year old daughter, one friend is flying back East with her husband of almost 30 years for experimental and aggressive cancer treatment.

Taking a breath, reviewing and restocking and taking time for internal reflection is, indeed not only imperative to each of us--but a useful exercise for those in conflict that come before us for advice, empathy and resolution.

Read the book!

Be Careful What you Wish for: Have the High Costs of Arbitration Succeeded in Diminishing That as a true Alternative?

I attended an excellent Law & Employment Symposium put on by the L.A. County Bar Association this week. My colleague and friend, Lisa Klerman, a full-time mediator specializing in Employment Law chaired the conference. It's now been over a decade (I think) since safeguards were thrust into place to protect employees from the high cost of "mandatory" arbitration in employment matters. Employers eagerly insisted upon every case they could therefore compel to go into Arbitration, a forum in which they believed they'd get a lower verdict, based upon an arbitrator being less likely to be carried off onto an emotional or irrational tangent when reaching a verdict on the intangibles, such as emotional distress and punitive damages. Employee's and their lawyers resisted this, demanded the employer pay 100% of the costs, and built in other protections to ostensibly level the playing field. What the employer's lawyers have discovered, however, is that arbitration can be much more expensive than litigation (because the employer assumes the costs of the arbitration from both sides) and no faster. Last evening, I had dinner with a friend who is revising an old family LLC agreement and inquired whether he'd be better off including a binding or non-binding arbitration clause. I had to think for a few minutes (before I finished my margarita!) and honestly respond that I thought he should include a mediation clause, in a family agreement, and omit the arbitration provision. This lead me to do some introspection on whether we've taken this too far in terms of "fairness" and "accessibility". My last case as a litigator was taken out of the court system (over my protest) and sent to a binding arbitration. My client couldn't afford the costs, so I advanced them. We lost the arbitration after 5 days and several thousand dollars in costs alone. We had no right of appeal and no explanation. I still think the retired Judge got it wrong. Has Arbitration outlived its usefulness as a true alternative to Court?

The Value of A Professional Study Group

Over the past couple of weeks, I've attended a couple of different study groups that have really enhanced my practice in small and large ways. The first, hosted by my colleague, Wendy Kramer through the Southern California Mediation Association, was a group of about a dozen mediators. We considered a difficult personality and a bind that one of our members had experienced in a mediation that had not yet been completed. The very next day, I found myself in a quandary about an issue of finalizing a settlement. I called Wendy and suggested the topic for our next monthly meeting. It was a great relief to be able to take that matter off my shoulders, anticipating wisdom, validation or consolation within a matter of weeks from some of my esteemed contemporaries. This past week, I attended an informal gathering of about 17 mediators and a few other professionals, at the home of my friend, Laurel Kaufer. There, we were guided in the art of the story by Stacie Chaiken, about whom I have previously posted (see the Blog about storytelling). I think Stacie has a certain dynamic genius, but more than that, it was again a rich opportunity to take our thinking and practice to a higher level, and our friendships to a deeper one. We all spend plenty of time attending events where clients or potential clients are, but often ignore our inner needs to enrich and unload our own triumphs and challenges amongst a group of professionals who understand them. It may not be a coincidence that the only images I could find on Google to depict study groups were Church groups. So my conclusion is that these groups have the potential, perhaps even promise, of restoring a mediator's soul. The redemption offered by your colleagues' validation or simple understanding is unrivaled. I am grateful to have become a part of each of these groups and urge you to begin one in your town or join in on an existing one. For your sake!

Mediator Ethics

It's an interesting thing, mediator ethics. I know that many mediators, particularly those that had a stint as Judges in prior lives, advise the parties before them that they will beat up on each side until they get a settlement. I, on the other hand, tend to prefer to cast the whole event in a more positive light, by letting the parties know I'm there to partner with them to get the best deal--while telling the same to the other side. In the end, we achieve the same result: a settlement that both parties can live with. But what I hope to achieve is a settlement in which both parties are satisfied, whereas those that take the "beating up" approach tend to go after the settlement where both parties are equally unhappy. Is that a violation of my mediators ethics? I attended a training this week with the LA Superior Court in which the Judge very plainly cautioned that we must never allow a litigant to have reason to believe we are biased towards (or against) them. Yet I know it is common practice in our community for mediators to treat clients to meals, sporting events and concerts. Even a bottle of wine or cigar at the conclusion of a settlement is not unheard of! So are our ethical constraints different than a Judges? And if so, is it time for us to revisit them? I'm still considering this one...with no answers this week, only questions.

Cinema as Philosopher

This week's insight comes from last night's movie. We saw the Coen Brother's Excellent new film, "No Country for Old Men". In it, Javier Bardem does a phenomenal job of playing an intense, recalcitrant, violent, mad man out for drugs and money. Tommy Lee Jones, whose role is introspective, thoughtful and restrained, having spent his career seeking law, order, calm and peace, at one point makes the keen observation: "Sometimes you just can't solve every dispute. In those cases, the best you can do is put a tourniquet on the wound and let it go."

I won't spoil the movie for you, because I do highly recommend it...but there was certainly a metaphoric lesson for mediators there. It particularly struck me because a case I tried to mediate was "settled" this week by the court granting a Motion for Summary Judgment. Whereas I had an offer of a "tourniquet" (far below the actual medical specials, but at least a gesture of good faith by a defendant who earnestly believed it had no legal exposure), the parties chose instead to try to solve the dispute by taking their best shot before a Judge. Amongst "old men" perhaps, there are enough ups and downs that this particular case didn't strike as hard as it did for the minor Plaintiff and his family...but for me, the two were inextricably related and ultimately made me appreciate the philosophy of the cinema in order to put things into perspective.

THE POWER OF STORY IN MEDIATION

A couple of weeks ago, I had an interesting meeting with an actor who is interested in Storytelling as a tool for mediators. Last weekend, I accepted her challenge to write out a two page "story" of my own history. It was a self-reflection in which I rarely indulge.

Over the past two decades, I have succeeded in maintaining a home and marriage, and, together with my high school boyfriend, and husband of almost thirty years, raised three extremely competent, wonderful human offspring. So it was not so easy for me to look inwards at my own professional accomplishments for this purpose and to put them into a publishable perspective. My surprise, however, was not from the story, but from how powerfully the exercise itself has affected me. Somehow, putting the "story" into writing has given it a loud voice in my head and on my computer. I've yet to share it with anyone, but still can't put it away. I can only imagine how powerful such a tool could be in a difficult, personal and emotion-laden mediation!

In the meanwhile, I read an interesting account of a gentleman who is engaged in just such a process with prison inmates. By giving them the tools and space to write their own accounts, he can set them free to atone, to revise and edit, to grow and to earn peace within and outside the prison walls. It is an awesome tool and if she'll allow me to do so, I shall gladly reveal the individual who has inspired me after a more formal gathering we have planned in early February. In the meanwhile, I encourage you to give storytelling a try. Begin with your own story and see if it has the same effect on you that I have shared here. I'd love to get your feedback!

What's Behind the Conflict?

I had an opportunity to deliver a lecture on "Looking at Substance Abuse through a Different Lens: The impact of Drug and Alcohol Use on Legal Practice" this week. In preparation, I did considerable research on the subject. What I found, to my surprise, was that alcohol and drug abuse seemed to be a recurring, but always unstated theme as the driver of conflict and the impediment to resolution in many of the cases I've heard. Living and working in a large, metropolitan, expensive and competitive place like Los Angeles, I've seen evidence of substance abuse in business, real estate construction, employment and personal injury cases. It's no surprise, since the statistics suggest that abusers are generally both more aggressive and less likely to accept blame or responsibility for their own actions. Those that have access to attorneys to fight their battles consequently become regular clients in litigation. Whether the conduct is driven by substance abuse, or the litigation is confounded by it, mediator's and lawyers would be well advised to routinely investigate whether substance abuse plays into the conflict they're asked to resolve. The next time you have an inexplicable or intractable conflict, think about it through the lens of a drug abuser or alcoholic and see if that doesn't help you to understand why, for example, the story keeps changing, the recollection of facts has so faded, or the client refuses a reasonable settlement offer which will mean the end of their legal fight, representation and medical treatment on liens.

Watch Your Language!

Sometimes the informality of a mediation can be counter-productive. Recently, I had one that lasted late into an evening. At a certain point we were reaching an impasse that would have included an agreement to postpone certain discovery. I invited the attorneys to speak about this directly to one another, and instead of making that agreement, in frustration, one of them expressed his anticipation that the partner in charge of the case would respond with an "@*&% YOU". I believed that his comment was meant to be an incentive to keep the negotiation going, but it in fact had the opposite effect. I didn't know it at the time, (and thankfully the case got settled the following day), but that one choice reference to an "expletive" (which really was deleted!) completely undermined the negotiation that had been going on all day up until that moment. The Corporate clients, two very savvy business women (one general counsel of a huge conglomerate) took such offense to this that by the time I returned to the other room, they had packed up and were on their way out the door! Rudeness, crudeness, and crassness has no place in a mediation--even in the most informal moments. Next time you fear the worst language being tossed in for flavor or emphasis, take your mother's words into account and "Watch Your Language"!

Families in Conflict: A Holiday Super-Challenge!

The holidays present an extra special time of family conflict for so many of us. Children don't grow up expecting this as adults, but as I age I learn that our family is not alone in this dynamic. It's a time when expectations run high and memories deep. Last weekend, I took on an informal mediation between my husband and his mother to see if I could orchestrate a truce or at least change the dynamic between them so that next year may bring a less stressful holiday season. What I am discovering, as I go through the process, is that it takes a super skilled mediator to "self-mediate". While I profess not to take sides in this conflict, and indeed, objectively see both sides of the issues, the very nature of creating the environment (we've decided on neutral territory--neither one's home) and the timing (we've decided on dinner on New Year's Day--instead of Christmas) is a challenge. I'm curious whether any of my readers have attempted self-mediation within the family, or whether I am the only one who belongs to a family who doesn't live life in perfect harmony. Your thoughts and insights are welcome this time. This Christmas, Schau's Mediation Insights need you to contribute! May you be blessed with abiding peace, challenges and triumphs and above all gratitude!

P.S.: For those of you who have noticed, I took a few months "sabbatical" from blogging--having disclosed a few too many details about a mediation which I found challenging...but I'm back! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all.

Lessons from the China Law Society

I had the privilege of meeting with 19 Delegates from the China Law Society this week. Judges, Lawyers and Business People came together to learn about Mediation principles from my colleague, Nikki Tolt and I. We met at the Southern California Mediation Association's office, which was a bonus because we could then make introductions to Judge Dorothy Nelson, U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge and Najeeba Sayeed-Miller, Director of the Western Justice Center Foundation. It tuns out that Judge Nelson has visited China many times and is even a member of the China Law Society! She provided an extensive (and intimate) tour of the Federal Court of Appeals in Pasadena, and then entertained questions and made a brief presentation in her chambers--complete with fruit juice and chocolate biscuits! Then the delegation was treated to a brief tour and introduction to the Western Justice Foundation. As usual, I learned more from my "students" than they did from me. What I learned was that the Chinese value balance, harmony, perspective, respect, over law, rules, analysis, and business. The principles of mediation are tautologic to them. It is the principles of law that are new and challenging! Ancient Eastern principles seem so novel and creative to our Western culture. Even by the flash of cameras and the response to the presentation of mediation v. the Court house, it was obvious that the Chinese are way ahead of us in the world of mediation!

A Peacemaker's Picnic

Today I attended (alright, I planned...) the Southern California Mediation Association's First Annual Peacemaker's Picnic! It was a great chance to see one another as people in relation to other people who are not necessarily mediators: mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, husbands and wives, even dogs and masters gathered together to enjoy a hot dog, some pretty hiking trails, a great lawn for throwing a frisbee and some fresh, outside air. It was a great chance to see men unshaven, women in T-shirts and shorts, dirty feet and happy children...Often I think we take on so much responsibility to be sober truth-sayers, speakers of other people's truths, bearers of other people's conflict...that we don't take the time to see one another as participants in the human joys of life...like hot dogs and brownies and admiring other people's babies and ill-behaved dogs. Again, it's a matter of living life deliberately: including hard work and relaxation. A fine way to end a weekend!

Taking Time Out to Gain Perspective

I'm writing this from the cockpit of our new sailboat, "Time Out" on Catalina Island. I can't help but reflect on how taking some "time out" to do some perspective taking is such a healthy exercise. It is really why I ask every party mediating before me to come to my office--away from their usual trappings and try for a few hours to gain some perspective on the conflict their enmeshed in. I also had the pleasure of substitute teaching for a class at the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution this week. Seeing mediation through the eyes of students was another perspective I had not taken the time to experience in quite awhile. Many of the students were also law students and my observation was stunning to me: being in the world of "law" and training to figure out who's right and who's going to win at trial is a real impediment to mediating!

So this week I'm thankful--that I have a chance to gain some perspective now and then...and that I have the blessing of inviting people in conflict to take a much needed "time out" to do the same.