Violence in Our Universities

Yesterday's tragic events at Virginia Tech compelled me to think about the value of dialogue, insisting upon inclusion even of those who would prefer reclusion or seclusion. When I searched for the proper image, I was struck by this photo. It is from Kent State University's violence and shootings, which took place in 1968, nearly 40 years ago. Unfortunately, I'm left to conclude that passions and differences still find their way onto Colleges and Universities throughout our nation, as we sit idly by hoping that it is but an isolated incident or aberration. As the mother of three college-aged children, I have to hope that I can be a part in instigating a more open environment towards ensuring the safety of our kids by giving an open valve for all students to communicate--their despair, their anguish, their fears, their hatred of others. The other facet which struck me was that this occurred the day after my name appeared in the Los Angeles Daily Journal in an article regarding "cross-cultural mediation". The subject of the article was my colleague, Hannah Kim, who was quoted as saying she had high hopes for her Korean mediation service because the Korean people were high-spirited and outspoken, often filled with unresolved conflict. I'm proud to add the quote that: "All mediators should be trained in cross-cultural sensitivity". In any case, it is a tragic sign that the young man who was the alleged "shooter" was a Korean, raised in our nation's capital, with a heavy animosity and loathing for rich kids and a sad disappointment in religion. I'm not sure I know the answer to this horrible event, but I'm beginning to understand the depth of the questions it raises.

Five Wishes

My friend, and blogger extraordinaire, Victoria Pynchon, has invited me to play a game of blogging tag. She's asked me to reveal 5 wishes that will make my world a better place. Since today is my BIRTHDAY, and I may have had at least five candles on my cake, I'll take a stab at this one:
1) I wish that my children and grandchildren will have as happy a family life as we 5 have had always!
2) I wish that I can make a contribution, every day, towards make our civilization kinder, gentler, more understanding.
3) I wish that the practice of mediation, as a metaphor for "positive interference" in people's lives grows exponentially, in my lifetime.
4) I wish America would have a woman President in my lifetime: just to see if feminine sensibility can positively impact our children's future.
5) I wish that everyone would/could find love, and compassion and a sense of belonging and purpose as I have.
So I'm feeling pretty lucky on this, my birthday, and I hope you will join me in saying "AMEN".

Pondering The Third Side

I'm proud to have been invited to present a talk at the upcoming ABA Dispute Resolution Section Convention in Washington, D.C. "ADR in Bloom". Our talk is on "The Power of the Mediator" and my part of it has as it's premise lessons drawn from William Ury's "The Third Side". As I'm preparing the presentation, I've also somehow instinctively also acquired two new addresses for my mediation hearings: one in Century City and the other (through the Southern California Mediation Association) in Pasadena. So here's what I've concluded: The Mediator serves a valuable role if and when she goes out to the community to spread peace. Growing up in Los Angeles, I well remember the Watt's riots in the 60's and the fires and looting that followed the Rodney King incident in the 90's. Fire and violence, anger and unrest spread rapidly. It's time for us to light the torch for peace. Even as a geometric principal, by disputants coming to "my office", they leave their own offices, which are typically "war zones" and come to mine...which has sweets and calming artwork, light oak furniture and a Mezuzah on the door. I can now pray that "the Third Side" one day will be on every street corner, harking "Peace Now". That will be the day that ADR will fully be blooming. For now, we have global warming on our side...thawing out the Cold War era to who knows what's next?

Western Justice Center Foundations' Peer Mediation Invitational

Euphoria! Optimism! New Found Hope in our Future! Awe! These were some of the deep emotions I felt experiencing the Western Center for Justice Foundation's Peer Mediation Invitational yesterday. There, they gathered 60 Elementary School aged Peer Mediators for an observed Mediation "role play". One of the children I had the privilege to observe, Jasmine, had been a Peer Mediator for three years: and she was only in the 5th grade! The kids got to "agreement" and got to the "underlying issues" with such ease and innocence. It was truly remarkable. I was also privileged to Co-Coach with Justice Barry Russell, who is the presiding Judge in the US Bankruptcy Court in Los Angeles. Justice Russell understands the value of mediation, and of "teaching our children". He is a Board member of the WCJF and took the day off to observe. I reminded him that he taught me bankruptcy at Loyola Law School way back in 1979. That was my last foray into bankruptcy, thankfully, but it was rewarding to find that he had come to the same place as I had--if only for the day. Justice Dorothy Nelson, of the U.S. Court of Appeal was equally charming and inspiring to the children (and their coaches!). I was struck by the openness of these kids to the notion that they can choose their own paths as adults. Some will choose the military, some will choose to be "Peacemakers" and others will aspire to be Judges, or athletes or artists. Their generation may indeed make a difference to ours. AMEN. Before the day was over, we danced with a multicultural band, Najeeba Sayeed-Miller, the Center's Director with her baby on her hip, dancing the very non-traditional Indian style...with many non-traditional followers! Great rewarding work. Thrilled to have the opportunity!

Participation in The Face of the OC Mediator a Great Experience

I was pleased and intrigued by the opportunity to participate in "The Face of the OC Mediator" conference on March 23, 2007. I addressed no less than about 30 eager men and women on the subject of "Gender and Negotiation: How it Affects both Process and Outcome". It was a great experience for me because it was such a great group of energetic and excited participants: eager to learn and practice, meet and mingle. I have high hopes that this seed has been planted and that with the sunshine and spirit of Orange County, the movement will continue to grow. The talk by Reverend Bill on multi-cultural mediation at the lunch break was nothing short of inspired. I hope that we can continue the dialogue and perhaps engage Father Bill in a Salon on the topic of "public mediation" and what we as individual independent mediators can do to help our community get along as it struggles through changes in makeup and identity. Kudos to my friends, Therese Gray and Debra Rocha for putting together such an awesome conference and standing behind this emergin movement in OC!

Los Angeles City Counsel Declares March 24, 2007 Mediation Day

What a thrill to be included in the Third Year of Mediation Recognition before the Los Angeles City Counsel. Counselwoman Wendy Greuel is enlightened enough to sponsor this Declaration, and Daniel Ben Zvi, our Chairperson, is gracious enough to allow SCMA to be represented through its leadership and alliances. This year, I appeared, together with Past President, Max Factor, III on behalf of SCMA, with Avis-Ridley Thomas, who runs the City of L.A.'s Mediation Program and The President-elect of the Association of Southern California Defense Counsel, Randall Dean, and Scott Carr, Board Member of the Association of Business Trial Lawyers.

The most gratifying part for me was an interruption in the presentation by Councilman, Bill Rosendahl. Last year at this time, I was working towards convening a mediation on a heated housing issue in Councilman Rosendahl's district. Ultimately, the matter was mediated by Peter Robinson, Director of the Straus Institute. The battle was lost and the matter proceeded to trial...but the war may have been won nevertheless. Congressman Rosendahl spoke eloquently about how well the process works and how he experienced the value of the communication. Voila! That was all the recognition I needed...but the certificate is itself a thing of beauty and will be framed and hang proudly in SCMA's new Offices.

The Challenge of Mediating Gang Violence

Here's the Challenge of the Week: I've been invited to participate with the City of Los Angeles Human Relations Commission to attempt to mediate the on-going, decades old gang violence which plagues our City. Apparently, there are about 50 civic leaders who have been meeting weekly for over a year, and are making little headway. A native of Los Angeles, I attended High School in the early 1970's in Inglewood. It was the beginnings of gang-affiliation, and even race riots. By the time I graduated, we found ourselves more divided and segregated than before the busing began: a failed experiment of forced integration. Unfortunately, these young gang members are now second generation: the children of my contemporaries. And unfortunately, most every family knows someone who has personally experienced violence or death in the name of solidarity amongst the members of a gang. I read an interesting folk wisdom story today that said: "A gun is not an arrow." What was meant by this is that an arrow is a good warning: "don't behave that way, because it can sting or wound". A gun, on the other hand, is usually fatal: no opportunity to change behavior, no warning. Perhaps, with a lot of help from spiritual sources, I can play a role in driving home that lesson. As they say, "you've got to hope for a fist-fight" in these situations. If we can get them to de-escalate, and approach conflict in a less drastic way, perhaps we can get a chance to sit them at a table to discuss their decades old misunderstanding. It's a challenge, but I'm thrilled by the opportunity!